tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post1056168037010498422..comments2023-05-26T09:43:26.163-06:00Comments on Robin Ambrose: GUTGAA Pitch Contest #27: AFTERLIFEAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14628412968169366744noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-14679312777603192012-09-19T14:08:38.408-06:002012-09-19T14:08:38.408-06:00Thank you all so much! I appreciate all of the hel...Thank you all so much! I appreciate all of the help, votes, and support I have gotten. You guys are the best! Meghan Drummondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06599059835227503241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-26840400496643961462012-09-19T11:38:56.755-06:002012-09-19T11:38:56.755-06:00This is the kind of book you want to snuggle with,...This is the kind of book you want to snuggle with, next to the fire in the deep midwinter - something creepy and intriguing with lots of twists. I like the corporeal ghost angle and the dose of scientific-ish metrics. My only tweak would be, like Missus Braidyhead, that I was confused by 'partner' I think stating explicitly that they run a paranormal investigations co. would help. But really well done! YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE!Hopeynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-91681803489073997482012-09-18T23:15:02.762-06:002012-09-18T23:15:02.762-06:00PITCH: This is a well-written pitch, and conveys a...PITCH: This is a well-written pitch, and conveys an intriguing relationship between Samantha & Matt. At the same time, I’m not sure what the stakes are. They get involved in a century-old mystery—what happens if they don’t solve it? Is it linked to her brother’s death? I think if you clarify what’s at stake, this could garner some requests.<br>Total nitpick: I was thrown off by the word “partner.” Is she a ghost detective? After reading it again, it seems so, and I think that could be made more explicit. <br>FIRST 150: I like the opening very much, with the concrete details of the house in front of her, as well as how her voice comes through in her reaction to those details. When she spoke through the walkie, though, I was hooked. I’d suggest leaving off the bit about “This was the fifth house in over a year…” because it essentially says the same thing as the end of the paragraph above.Missus Braidyheadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-10863945635791070752012-09-18T17:37:29.400-06:002012-09-18T17:37:29.400-06:00I can just feel the creepiness oozing through my c...I can just feel the creepiness oozing through my computer screen here! And what a great first line! I was a little sad the brother doesn't get brought up again, but it sounds like a great read!<br><br>Congratulations and good luck!<br><br>YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE TO MOVE FORWARD!Miss Mary Macnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-8762123019689609842012-09-18T13:29:26.519-06:002012-09-18T13:29:26.519-06:00I also love the creepiness of this query (especial...I also love the creepiness of this query (especially its killer first line) and the atmospheric details in this beginning. I would definitely read on. I do think the query could be a little clearer, though. At first it sounds like the main conflict is going to be about Sam's brother, but then he kind of disappears and the conflict shifts to Sam's relationship with ghost-Matt, so I was confused about what one conflict had to do with the other (if at all). Will she find out what happened to her brother? That's what I wanted to know from the beginning of the query. Good luck!kiperoohttp://kiperoo.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-90614979347166979932012-09-18T11:17:52.135-06:002012-09-18T11:17:52.135-06:00ZOINKS!! Creepy stuff, Shaggy!I love this premise....ZOINKS!! Creepy stuff, Shaggy!<br><br>I love this premise. It gets me all in the mood for Halloween! <br><br>I think you've got the foundation for a great, timely ghost story on your hands. (I'm sort of wondering about the title...it feels a little Vampire-ish *shudders* to me. For some reason I'm craving something with a ghostly appeal...but that's just my initial thought. Toss it/keep it--all good).<br><br>Based on your samples, I am glad to see you implementing the scientific aspect to ghost tracking. With the popularity of shows like Ghost Hunters, etc., that's a nice, current element to tie in.<br><br>I am really excited about this story. I wish you all the best.<br><br>YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE TO MOVE FORWARD!BEEZERnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-17630827849073715402012-09-18T10:59:39.024-06:002012-09-18T10:59:39.024-06:00I loved this from the pitch polish and I still do....I loved this from the pitch polish and I still do. Seriously, if it were available now, I'd buy it. Corporeal ghosts? Yes, please!<br><br>Awesome job.Lindsey Frydmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09044517745312922540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-65546946259319015462012-09-18T09:22:44.432-06:002012-09-18T09:22:44.432-06:00I love ghost stories, and yours has such a good tw...I love ghost stories, and yours has such a good twist! I remember liking it during the pitch polish, and I still like it now. I've heard ghost stories be forecasted as a new trend in YA, so I think you'll find an agent for this... either here or seeking an agent on your own. Best of luck!Jeannettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04121406778127520539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-52250747326532565732012-09-18T09:04:32.541-06:002012-09-18T09:04:32.541-06:00Oooh, creepy! I got goosebumps when I read the tru...Oooh, creepy! I got goosebumps when I read the truth about Matt! The first 150 has atmosphere, and I really like that. :) Good luck!!Adriana Ryanhttp://adrianaryan.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-41233176511588739392012-09-17T18:18:55.526-06:002012-09-17T18:18:55.526-06:00Hi,I love a good ghost story, and I think your sto...Hi,<br>I love a good ghost story, and I think your story promises to be a good one. Your MC's voice comes through in the query and the first 150.<br>best of luckSujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16899054126546663789noreply@blogger.com