tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post3625042187280294553..comments2023-05-26T09:43:26.163-06:00Comments on Robin Ambrose: GUTGAA Pitch Contest #4: THE ALABASTER REFUGEEAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14628412968169366744noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-30418859232956464752012-09-19T08:59:07.447-06:002012-09-19T08:59:07.447-06:00Love the stakes here! This is what a good story is...Love the stakes here! This is what a good story is all about. I do have to agree with Braidyhead, in that, I like to get to know a little about the character on the first page before seeing so much action. Make me really care about her beforehand and you will have a true winner here!<br>Best of luck!!Pk Hrezohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11650153097981426833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-9339787814860901142012-09-18T23:11:39.840-06:002012-09-18T23:11:39.840-06:00PITCH: You should’ve seen my jaw drop when I read ...PITCH: You should’ve seen my jaw drop when I read the part about him murdering her family—totally threw me, and drew me in. Right away I could see the stakes are high. The story sounds very good. At the same time, I’d recommend shortening the pitch, because I think too much is given away—it’s a little too much of a summary.<br>FIRST 150: This is very tense, and there are some awesome details worked in, such as the broken locket cutting her skin, the earth trembling beneath the cadence of boots—all very good. Personal preference: I need to get to know the character a little better before I can care about her running for her life. The writing is great. Have you considered beginning the story somewhere else?Missus Braidyheadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-19948221786702786042012-09-18T08:40:01.359-06:002012-09-18T08:40:01.359-06:00Loved your first 150! Sucked me right in. Your que...Loved your first 150! Sucked me right in. Your query did feel too much like a synopsis though.Nicole Zoltackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-17684653379665932742012-09-17T14:37:05.941-06:002012-09-17T14:37:05.941-06:00I have goosebumps as I read this entire thing. Que...I have goosebumps as I read this entire thing. Query and first 150. The writing is stunning and poor Jocelyn can't get a break. Really well done!Kelley Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06373650788799372118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-54934668204299345872012-09-17T12:38:30.032-06:002012-09-17T12:38:30.032-06:00Actually, that was my formatting bad and I've ...Actually, that was my formatting bad and I've now fixed it. Thanks for pointing it out!Robin Weekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09413777557796110450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-69564873211371394612012-09-17T12:35:40.049-06:002012-09-17T12:35:40.049-06:00Your query made me a afraid for your MC right away...Your query made me a afraid for your MC right away, which is awesome. Your story sounds creepy in all the best possible connotations. Good luck!J. A. Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17331827076858223497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-68605957311939298182012-09-17T09:49:08.867-06:002012-09-17T09:49:08.867-06:00You have a lovely writing style, and it sounds lik...You have a lovely writing style, and it sounds like such a thrilling, awesome book! I wonder if the query doesn't read more like a synopsis, with it's length and detail? It was very good, and really got me into it, though. <br><br>Great first 150, too. Wow! So tense!! Hated to stop!<br><br>Good luck!Colene Murphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06086195075690893194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-31169726035936157222012-09-17T08:25:08.887-06:002012-09-17T08:25:08.887-06:00Hi there!Oh man I love this! You drew me in right ...Hi there!<br>Oh man I love this! You drew me in right away in your query and didn't let go in your 150. So, now I'm wondering when this book will come out . . . cuz I want to buy it. Like now. Good luck with GUTGAA! (Looks like you had font trouble at the bottom. I had the same problem with my e-mail, but who cares, this is awesome!)LyndseyLewellenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18356076667057877197noreply@blogger.com