tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post3711286228097478447..comments2023-05-26T09:43:26.163-06:00Comments on Robin Ambrose: GUTGAA Pitch Contest #11: THE LION WITHINAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14628412968169366744noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-20127012988224249292012-09-20T17:58:54.573-06:002012-09-20T17:58:54.573-06:00I love how Renna has anger and temper issues, only...I love how Renna has anger and temper issues, only to be magnified by as virus. Throw that in with teen angst AND high school...now I'm anxious to read this book in published form!<br>I'm hooked!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-58081006199615709602012-09-19T20:15:02.283-06:002012-09-19T20:15:02.283-06:00I love how the story goes from Africa to Wisconsin...I love how the story goes from Africa to Wisconsin - two very different worlds, on so many levels. And it's so refreshing to have an interesting ya novel that does not include a vampire. I wonder how the green bug fits into the story...I'd definitely want to find out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-40696352606384768372012-09-18T23:40:53.455-06:002012-09-18T23:40:53.455-06:00Excellent feedback. Thank you so much.Excellent feedback. Thank you so much.RAD - Dot Painterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15281684050458884164noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-91222420417009133082012-09-18T23:25:09.034-06:002012-09-18T23:25:09.034-06:00PITCH: This is very unique and definitely piques m...PITCH: This is very unique and definitely piques my interest. I love how the anger management issues that she already had, come back full-force along with the increased abilities! I think the lead-up might be a little too long, though, and the writing there is a little choppy—something about that second sentence is niggling at me, like it should be connected to or worked in with the others in a different way.<br>FIRST 150: Solid opening, with some great setting details and character details well-balanced. Small nitpick: the “She knew” and “Renna knew” could probably be taken out because we’re in close third-person, so the reader can assume these are things she’s thinking/knowing.Missus Braidyheadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-42946248890999660712012-09-18T16:16:21.036-06:002012-09-18T16:16:21.036-06:00Interesting and unique thus far! Only 150 words an...Interesting and unique thus far! Only 150 words and my interest is piqued. Agree with the doctor-dad reference. Not sure why it read awkwardly to me. Looking forward to seeing this in a beautiful finished booked! Unknownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13676422779067161055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-64113691108758033662012-09-18T09:05:30.759-06:002012-09-18T09:05:30.759-06:00I'm immediately drawn into the unique setting....I'm immediately drawn into the unique setting. I also love that we get a glimpse of romance right away. The storyline overall is exciting and I can't wait to see it on the shelves!Christina Mercerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09938707461943582486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-66259162181259466982012-09-18T09:05:06.821-06:002012-09-18T09:05:06.821-06:00Love the idea! the term doctor-dad tripped me up i...Love the idea! the term doctor-dad tripped me up in the query and I agree with Colene about the first two lines, but the rest of the query is solid.Nicole Zoltackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-73022729148684782392012-09-17T18:36:52.312-06:002012-09-17T18:36:52.312-06:00Thank you Colene and Kelley, your comments mean th...Thank you Colene and Kelley, your comments mean the world!<br>~ RachelRAD - Dot Painterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15281684050458884164noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-55542262445659698752012-09-17T18:12:07.453-06:002012-09-17T18:12:07.453-06:00Sure hope to find this one on shelves at my favori...Sure hope to find this one on shelves at my favorite bookstore sometime in the not too distant future. What a cool concept!Kelley Harveyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10398696943703424041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4282612866471682237.post-52293127421444641342012-09-17T16:05:22.500-06:002012-09-17T16:05:22.500-06:00Oh neat! This is really different, and sounds fant...Oh neat! This is really different, and sounds fantastic.<br><br>My only thing was, the first two lines of the query seem to not correspond to one another. I know they do, but it took me 2 reads to understand what you were trying to say. I think you can even do something so simple as cut "on reality" and that would do it. <br><br>But really, that's it! Awesome job, love the idea, and would love to pick that up some day! <br><br>Good luck!Colene Murphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06086195075690893194noreply@blogger.com