As I crossed the NaNo finish line, my husband clued me on on something: he was feeling neglected. Not just a little neglected, but crisis-neglected. I was . . . a bit shocked.
If you've followed my blog at all or if you care to check out the My Hubby tag, you know two things: 1) my husband is about the most supportive man in the world, and 2) we have next to no interests in common. He will never enjoy spending time with me while I'm writing or reading: he doesn't write, he doesn't read, and he doesn't understand why I like it. I will rarely enjoy spending time with him doing the things he loves: I don't ski, fish, hunt, or understand why he likes it.
For over 12.5 years of marriage, we've made it work anyway.
But it--whatever it was--isn't working anymore.
Last month, I thought everything was right with my marriage. Now I know there need to be changes or things will get very, very wrong.
So I need advice, wise readers. I know a lot of you are married and are very happy. Do you have advice for a writer who wants it all? Is it possible to have a day job, happy husband, content children, relaxing reading and STILL have time to write? How do you do it?
If your spouse isn't a writer, what do you do to make sure you spend time with them? How do you involve them in your writing life (if at all)? If you have two hours of free time after the kids are in bed, you haven't written anything all day, and the spouse is watching a show you don't like . . . what do you do?
I've had exactly one idea to fix this: we're going to learn how to play the guitar together. Hubby has expressed interest and I've always thought it would be fun. Might not have been a priority in my life, but if we both enjoy it . . . well, it has a leg up on every other non-bedroom activity in the world. This, naturally, will take even more time away from writing, but it should provide some forced togetherness with the love of my life, and that ain't bad.
I've pondered whether I can give up writing entirely. Hubby assures me he'll never ask it of me--he just wants some balance. I'm not entirely sure I can give it up without being miserable. I can go long stretches without it, but I need a creative outlet, and I love words. (Lovely, lovely words.) I'm relatively certain I can kill that part of me, but . . . then part of me will be dead. And the years I've spent on my writing will have been wasted. And I don't want that. I still want to be a published writer. Preferably one who can afford to buy her husband a ranch.
So help? Ideas? Advice? Wisdom from on high? Thoughts on where to buy a couple of cheap beginner guitars?
2013 Note: Thanks everyone, for your awesome advice. Though it turns out the problem was too big for advice, I really appreciate the help.
Um... none? I was pulled over for speeding once and given a warning because I was new to the area. Now ask me how many accidents I've caused. Uh, actually, never mind. Don't ask.
2. Can you pitch a tent?
Yes. But why, when I have a husband to do it for me? :)
3. What was your worst vacation ever?
First family reunion with the new in-laws. We left the pretty lake and drove 3 hours one way to take a 15-minute tour of a house carved into a rock. The tour guide wasn't even all that good.
4. What was the last thing you bought over $100? Smart phone. Oh, how I love it! *Wonders if it was really over $100* *Decides that yes, yes it was*
5. We're handing you the keys to what?
Sadly, I don't care much. I want it fuel-efficient, with comfy seats, power windows-and-stuff, sunroof, and approved by hubby.
6. What was the last meal you cooked that made even you sick?
Well, I made brownies when I was about 12 that had waaay too much salt in them. Other than that, I eat just about anything, so it's hard to make something that makes me sick. :) I did get food poisoning at a restaurant, once, though....
7. Fill in the blank: Oh my gosh! Becky, look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like ____? I used to before I decided to start using my gym membership!
8. What was your first car? The one my husband had when we got married. :)
9. Your best friend falls and gets hurt. Do you ask if he/she's okay or laugh first?
Smile first, then concern face (quick, before she can see), then laugh later. Together.
10. What's the worst song ever?
All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You by Heart. I mean, seriously? You're in love with someone else and you think there's anything right about sleeping with a random stranger? Poor poor tortured soul. (Well, obviously not tortured enough.) Worse? I went back to look up the artist and read through the lyrics again. And now I know she slept with him because the man she loved couldn't give her a baby. So now she's completely betrayed two men. *shudders*
So did you play? Wanna join late so I'm not the last one on the list?