How NOT to Write a Synopsis: Breakdown

Okay, so I didn't have time to write a fake bad synopsis, and I'm certainly not going to post my own first synopsis draft (it's really boring), so you'll just have to imagine for now. Maybe later I'll have time, but we had a death in the family yesterday and, well, grief and funeral travel really sucks the extras out of your day, you know?

So here's the quick and dirty on why each of my tips from Monday were a bunch of hooey. I preface this by pointing out that I am NOT 1) an agent, 2) particularly experienced in writing synopses, or 3) going on more than just my limited experience, here. If you disagree with what I'm saying (especially if you find an agent who disagrees), feel free to disregard.

1. Don't start with a 1-page synopsis. Just don't. Maybe later, after you've written a longer one, you'll be ready to try for the 1-pager. Starting out to write a 1-page synopsis is like deciding to swim the English channel once you've conquered the breast stroke. You're not ready, and you're going to choke. (Well, okay, so you might be a lot better at this than I am, so if you are, assume I'm talking about me. I'll just wait here for when you need oxygen.)
2. Don't sweat the spacing, etc, in your rough draft. Each agent has different guidelines and the ones who don't, don't care. Some say they want it 4-6 pages double-spaced. Give them what they ask for. Some want a "brief" synopsis, which is probably between 1-3 pages, single-spaced, but can also be 2-6 pages double-spaced ("brief" likely doesn't mean more than that, unless you're writing a law brief, which is a whole different blog). If you're at all nervous, scour the agency website for specifics and consider tweeting them or people who have queried them in the past. Chances are, if they don't have specifics, anything close is fine.
3. Lots of online articles explain how to go about deciding what information to include. None of them advocate ignoring your manuscript while you do it. Putting too many details in is FINE while you're writing the rough draft. I actually think it will help you to keep some sort of tone and flavor. Edit later. Decide later what can stay and what doesn't justify its presence. Don't bleed out your synopsis. It doesn't work for your writing, and it doesn't work for your synopsis.
4. Short sentences rock. I felt so dumb when I figured this one out. I had these huge sentences in my synopsis so I could hurry through the plot. They sounded exactly like huge long sentences normally sound: clunky, hard to read, and impossible to understand. Breaking them up helped with the flow and didn't actually increase my word count that much. D-Oh!
5. Same paragraph rules apply in the synopsis as apply in regular writing. Crazy, huh? Everything in the paragraph should relate to everything else in the paragraph. If that means that your synopsis will have lots of different paragraphs, well, good. That's an excellent sign that lots of different things happen in your book. If you can find a way to show that two different events are connected, wonderful: let them share a paragraph. Just don't talk about how Bella almost got raped by a gang of thugs in the same paragraph that you talk about how lots of boys asked her to the prom.
6. Halfway through, you are GOING to worry that your synopsis is running long. DON'T. Yes, it's running long, but if you're anything like me, your manuscript's rough draft ran long, too. That's why they invented editing. Just keep writing for now. Let the subplots crop up when they want to and trim them back later. When you look at everything together, you'll be better able to decide what is part of a subplot and what is related to the main action. I promise, it will be faster and easier to do it this way than to try to cut things before they're on the page. So long as you don't try to turn in your rough draft, you'll be fine.
7. Brandon Sanderson says that, if you're going to solve problems with your magic, your reader has to understand how it works. (Who hasn't pointed across the room and said "Accio Book!") If, however, you aren't going to solve problems with it, you don't have to explain it. Same holds true for your synopsis - even if you're not writing a fantasy. If something is essential enough to be included in the synopsis, it's essential enough to explain. That explanation might be a tad bland, but it still has to be done. Spice it up if you can, but get it in there. Don't just say that "Harry uses magic to summon his broom" (HP GOF, #4), say that "he lifts his wand high and declares 'Accio broom!'" See? Not much longer and a heck of a lot more interesting. 
8. More essential is explaining anything that impacts your character's motivations. Like emotions. Compare "Mr. Darcy proposes and Elizabeth refuses him" with "Mr. Darcy, in a long speech about how he loves her despite her odious relations, proposes marriage. Elizabeth, shocked and offended, vehemently refuses." You don't want agents wondering WHY your characters do what they do. You're not just trying to prove that you can plot: you're trying to prove that you can plot WELL. That means you must show that actions are followed by reactions and that your characters aren't just making choices willy-nilly.
9. Synopses are boring, yo. If you can throw in an extra word or three here and there to help spice them up, DO IT!  Agents have to read these things. Don't go crazy, but you can say that the nurse used the nasty-tasting Skele-grow to painfully regrow all of Harry's arm-bones, even though the name of the potion isn't essential. Be careful with this one, though: too many colorful details will bog the synopsis down worse than having too few. Err on the side of bland, but edge close to the line when you can.
10. In my first synopsis, I rushed past the climax and barely touched on the denouement. So dumb. That's where everything comes together. If the plot makes sense, it HAS to show in the climax. Don't skimp here. Explain every detail in your rough draft, then cut it back, looking for clarity and excitement rather than brevity. Mine is now about a third of my entire synopsis.
11. I'm still struggling with this, but I do believe that it's essential to have someone who hasn't read your book read your synopsis. There's just no other way to figure out if everything will make sense to an agent - who hasn't read your book. Just bite the bullet and sacrifice one of your kind friends who won't get the full joy of reading the book as it was meant to be read. You can make it up to them later. Acknowledgments are nice. (No, I didn't get to help Brodi with any portion of her writing process, despite constantly begging.)
12. Treat the synopsis the same way you treat your manuscript. Don't just dash it off and hit send. Write it. Let it sit. Edit it. Send it to a friend (see #11). Let it sit. Edit it again. Agents may not expect it to be perfect, but, seriously, they have your 300 word query letter, your 300-3000 word writing sample, and this synopsis to decide whether you're a good enough writer to take a chance on. Don't wonder later if things would have been different if you'd just taken some time.
13. There are as many ways to write a good synopsis as there are different books and different authors. Research how others have done it and figure out what works for your book and your writing style.
14. When all else fails, this is still very helpful: 

What pitfalls did you fall into while writing your synopsis? Do a gal a favor and tell me where they were, huh?

How NOT to Write a Synopsis

This is an exercise in how well you can follow directions. Read the entire list before you start. Ready?

Let's write a synopsis!

1. Read online articles about how to write a synopsis and realize that the very best synopses are less than a page long. Resolve to write a synopsis that is less than a page long. It's less painful for you, less painful for the agent who has to read it, all-around less painful for everyone.
2. Open a new document in your word processing program. Single spaced is usually fine for a synopsis, unless the agent says otherwise. You can always change the spacing later, but single spaced is easier to fit on one page.
3. Without referring to your manuscript (hey, you just wrote it, right?) start typing the story as you remember it. The less you remember, the better, since, again, we want it short. Don't be like that kid who has to describe EVERY DETAIL of the movie plot.
4. As quickly as possible, describe the major events. Use long, complicated sentences, since they really pack in the information well.
5. Ditto with long paragraphs. You don't have room for paragraph breaks. Three paragraphs ought to do it: one for the beginning, one for the middle, one for the end. Brilliant.
6. Halfway down the page, realize that describing all the major events will take longer than a page. Cut all subplots and stop referring to them AT ALL. Even when they impact the main plot. No room.
7. Don't worry about describing complicated main-plot elements. It's much too hard to condense your brilliance to a simple sentence, and agents know it. They'll just be impressed that there are complicated plot elements IN there. If they're confused, they'll be that much more anxious to read the full so they can get the explanation.
8. Don't waste time describing how your characters feel about the horrible things you're quickly describing. Agents aren't dumb: they can figure out how your characters feel without you having to spell it out. All they have to do is see what your characters do next.
9. Got some fun details that add color but don't advance the plot? Leave 'em out. JUST THE PLOT, folks.
10. You have to describe the climax and ending and stuff, so make sure you mention how it all turned out, right at the bottom of the page. A simple "and the hero conquers the bad guy in an epic battle involving muskrats" should do it. Though, really, you can probably leave the muskrats out.
11. Have one of your beta readers skim through the synopsis, looking for typos and sentences that could be tightened up. You can't ask someone to read it who hasn't read the whole book since - come on! - major spoilers! If you trust someone enough to read the synopsis, don't you like them enough to let them have the complete experience of reading the whole book?
12. Quickly fix what needs to be fixed and look for a few more sentences to remove. Then send it off to agents! It's not like they expect it to be perfect, anyway.
13. Realize that every bit of advice above is complete bunk, with the possible exception of #2, and the links in #1. 
14. Use this helpful stress-relief device:

Any questions? Can you tell me why each one is bad? What's your favorite bad synopsis advice?

I'll pontificate on Wednesday. If I have time, I'll even take a popular book (meaning one that everyone knows the ending to already) and write a dreadfully bad synopsis that follows all of the rules above. Anyone have a preference on which book I should destroy this time? I'm leaning toward Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, since I want to see if I can write a synopsis that calls Quiddich a "sports team."

The "Dreaded" Synopsis

See? Like this!

Have you ever written one of those synopsis thangs? Totally easy, right? I mean, it's not like you've never written a book report--we all had to write hundreds in school. Right? Now just write one on your book. And leave out all the boring parts. And the subplots. And anything that doesn't drive the main story toward the climax and conclusion. Oh, and make sure it's interesting and reflects the tone and voice of the story. And that it doesn't leave out any important parts, 'cause it really needs to make sense, too. And be about two pages long. Or less.

Cake.

Right.

Okay, so synopses are of the devil. Almost everyone agrees.

But not this girl:

Becca "Synopses aren't scary" Stumpf

Becca Stumpf works for The Prospect Agency, which requires one of the most elaborate initial-query packages out there... including a synopsis. Becca is one of the nicest people you could ever meet, and she assures me that synopses aren't scary. That they aren't just an elaborate torture device used by agents to see how much authors will endure as they complete impossible tasks to prove themselves worthy of representation. That they can be useful. And an important part of a complete query package.

And she's going to explain all that (along with giving tips on the rest of the query package) on an Authors' Advisory Conference Call next week, on Wednesday, September 28th, starting at 8:45 PM EST. There's such a wealth of information out there on how to write a good query, but not so much on how to write a good synopsis. Becca's going to help us fix that.

Right now, I'm building my outline of questions to ask her. Wanna help? I have tons of questions, but I'm still new to this synopsis-writing thing, so I'd appreciate some questions from those of you who have done more than me. Or who are new like me and can help add the obvious questions.

What parts of writing a synopsis do you just not get? What do you find the hardest to muddle through? Ever hear advice you thought was questionable? What else do you want to know about synopses?

Then be sure to call in next week and raise your hand to ask Becca questions yourself. Should be a very informative hour.