On Failure

I was going to write 50,000 words during April for Camp NaNoWriMo. I was going to finish my current WIP ahead of LDStorymakers, now less than 2 weeks away. I was going to work more at my freelance writing job. I was going to exercise daily and eat fewer calories. I was going to do a lot of things.

Instead... I didn't. I wrote NO fiction. I increased my freelance hours by a mere fraction of what was possible. I gained weight - and it's not muscle.

Part of my failure is because I had to shift priorities, part of it is because of my continuing addiction to social media (curse my interesting friends saying interesting things!), and part of it is because, well, I got bored with my WIP's plot, and didn't much care what happened next.

I have great excuses, like being a mother, having a traveling husband, trying to jump-start a new career in mediation, and all sorts of other stuff....

But I wrote more words on Facebook last month than I did in my WIP.

I ate third helpings at dinner even when I was full. And then ate a full helping of dessert. I didn't exercise as often or as hard as I could have, preferring to hurry up to my office to web-surf.

But here's the thing about failure: I don't HAVE to do it today, just because I did it yesterday. Just because I spent the last hour on pointless surfing, I don't have to spend the next three hours on the same thing. My day might be shorter, now, than it should be, but I can still accomplish more than nothing. More than I accomplished Thursday and Friday last week.

Besides, I've finally figured out why I was bored and, though I'll have to rewrite about 5 chapters, my book will be better.

Now if I can ignore that shiny blue F.... Hey! Did you know it's possible to CLOSE the Facebook tag on your browser? So weird.

How do you overcome your own failures?

Er... I mean 3000

I recalculated with my handy-dandy spreadsheet, and it turns out I actually have to write 3000 words a day to finish my novel by mid-April. 

At my current top speed, that takes a minimum of 2 hours, 30 minutes. 

And I need to spend 4 hours per day writing other things, for which I get money for food and stuff. 

And 9 hours being a mother and homemaker (6:30-8:30 am, 3:00-10:00 pm). 

And 2 hours being a newlywed (10-midnight). 

And 8 hours sleeping, or else I'll eventually get sick and nothing else will get done.

And 2 hours reading or I'll shrivel up and die for lack of creative stimulation.

And 2 hours (here and there) on exercising, eating, getting dressed, etc.

2.5 + 4 + 9 + 2 + 8 + 2 + 2 = 29.5 hours each day

Totally do-able.

2000 words a day...

So, I have this little self-imposed deadline, where I have to have almost 70,000 words drafted by the middle of next month. In order to do that, I need to write around 2,000 words a day. More, if I want to take Sundays off.

Most days so far, I haven't accomplished that. Or anywhere close.

Here's what I've done instead:

• Freelance writing (yay money, boo time lost on non-fiction writing)
• Volunteer writing and editing (yay service)
• Kids and husband  (yay human connection)
• Housework and meals (usually while watching Netflix--yay inspiration)
• Facebook (yay friends)
• Shopping, dentist appointments, driving kids to school and/or visitation, etc (yay... uh... living?)
• Blogging (yay outlet)
• Squirrels! (boo. just boo)

BUT, I've been getting better each day that I've actually sat down and made myself draft. Faster.

Thursday morning I drafted almost 1000 words and then spent some time fine-tuning my outline, so future drafting days can go more smoothly.

At my normal top speed (sometimes I can go faster, but not often), I write around 1000 words in an hour. I'm thinking I need to do more 1k1hr sprints, and leave off the break I take if I only write for 30 minutes. 

Anyway, to hold myself accountable, I'm going to start posting my word count each week when I blog. This'll be fun, no?

What do you do to make yourself write faster?

Writing Routine?

Nathan Bransford asked about writing routines on Wednesday. He described his own routine, which basically consisted of waking up, getting coffee and breakfast, and finally settling down to write.

That sounded nice.

My own routine is a bit more complicated, but I'll describe a day that has the maximum writing time, devoid of pesky things like helping out at the elementary school driving for carpools (happens regularly, but not every day) or taking care of church callings.

6:30 am: Alarm goes off. Spend 30 minutes getting out of bed and getting son and husband out the door with breakfast and lunch.

7:00 am: Writing time! (Except on Tuesdays, when this is get-middle-son-ready-for-debate time)

8:00 am: Wake up elementary kids, continue to write in between nagging them to get dressed and eat breakfast, then take them to school by 8:45.

9:00 am: Breakfast and writing time! And maybe exercise!

10:00 - 3:00: Writing time. Unless I decide to actually unpack something that day, do laundry, clean the house, go shopping, get gas.... When I do write, it's divided between volunteer service writing, paid writing, and actually writing my novel. I try to get 2000 words of fiction every day. That's happened once so far.

3:10-3:30: Pick up oldest from carpool, greet elementary kids. Kiss writing goodbye for the day in favor of homework, dinner, family time, and bedtime. I'm honestly perplexed at how I used to get any writing done after working all day.

That's my best day for writing, folks. Most days aren't like that, though. Lately I've been swamped with helping out at the school, getting my legal name changed (yeah, still), and generally trying to keep my house standing. I really must get better at writing when I only have a 30-minute window to do so, but it's so HARD to get in the zone for 30 minutes. *whine*

Now ask me when I find time to read. That's the real tragedy.

How about you? When do you write?

Ah, Freelancing

I'm new at this, so you experienced freelancers out there should bear with me if I'm painfully naive, but I was quite tickled by this "offer" I received for a freelancing job (from a list I subscribed to).

I'm seeking a writer for an ebook about an international space expedition that becomes lost in outer space. The series will be a serial (meaning it will take several ebooks to finish) and will follow this expedition as they: become lost in space, struggle to return earth, and then finally reunite with their loved ones on Earth. Typical science fiction elements will be involved with the story as the expedition will come across alien species, habitual planets, etc. The story will predominately be about the adventure, but the companionship between each of the astronauts will be largely incorporated.

Up to this point, I'm mostly just amused, if slightly appalled that someone is so confident that they can commercialize the creative process quite this far. As if good, profitable sci-fi were as simple as plugging specified elements into a basic plot with standard sci-fi tropes. I dunno. Maybe it is that simple, but my experience with talented sci-fi writer friends would suggest otherwise. If you want quality, that is. Maybe my true naivete is that I rather expect ANY producer of ebooks to want to make them GOOD ebooks.

Then the advertisement keeps going, and I realize I'm wrong.

A "simple" understanding of science fiction elements (aliens, space, etc.) is preferred for this story, but not necessary. Newbies are highly welcome (as long as you understand grammar).

Yeah... no. Simple understanding of the complex vacuum of space? Simple understanding of the possibility of alien life and how that alien life could develop in a different environment? Etc? And, the kicker: IT'S NOT EVEN NECESSARY. He'd be just as happy with someone who might have heard of Star Wars once, but never saw it. And the solicitor "highly" welcomes newbies who understand grammar. I... can't... even....

But there's more....

I'm expecting a delivery of 7 days (1 week) for the finished project and if achieved before the deadline, I'll gladly double the pay. In terms of the length, I'm looking for about 6,000-10,000 words.

6,000 - 10,000 words in a week.  With a double-pay bonus if that goal is met. (More on that later.) Let's forget about the pre-writing for a moment and pretend that the entire plot of the multi-ebook serial just comes to the chosen writer in a dream. Let's pretend that the dream included specific plot arcs that would span 6-10,000 words so that you're getting a complete mini-story in each book. Let's acknowledge that any writer who has completed NaNo or who is making a living at freelancing is very used to this sort of grueling pace, and can churn it out at that speed.

But let's also acknowledge that 90% of writing is rewriting and that, if these books are to be GOOD, 7 days is utterly insufficient to meet that goal. 7 days is enough time to create a first draft, perhaps, but first drafts Are. Not. Publishable. Or, they wouldn't be, if "Publishable" were universally synonymous with "Quality." Which, apparently, it isn't. And that's a darn shame.

It goes on:

The ideal candidate will be able to/have: -Microsoft Word (any edition) -Understand the Subjects/Genres -Writing Skills and Style (you should be able to write coherent and engaging sentences). What I expect: -The Word Count to be Met -An Engaging e-Book -Coherent, Competent Sentences -A Simple Understanding of the Subjects/Genres If you're interested, please submit an example of your work. It doesn't have to be supernatural or space oriented, but needs to show competent writing and grammatical skills.

Well, I'm an ideal candidate, then. I have MS Word, understand the genre, I'm able to write coherent, engaging, coherent (coherent seems important), and competent sentences... oh, wait. He wants engaging AND the word count met. Yeah, guess that counts me out.

But let's look at all the money I'll be turning down, shall we?

The Pay is $20. I'm looking to commission several more e-Books, so further work will be possible for those interested.

$20. For a week of constant work. Even assuming that the writer can write 1,000 words in an hour (hard to maintain, but I've done it during NaNo), this solicitation is offering to pay $20 for 6-10 hours of work. That's (pulling up my calculator....) $2-3 per hour. With the chance of doubling to $4-6 per hour if I meet the deadline, edit nothing, and turn in the sort of drivel I'd be ashamed to have my name on. Goody!

LEGAL: All rights of purchased work will belong to me.

Which is exactly as it should be. #yougetwhatyoupayfor

Please, fellow writers, don't ever let someone pay you this little for your work. Even ignoring the fact that there are freelance projects with a base pay quite a bit higher than this, don't ever undervalue your work so much that you do it for nothing.

If you're writing your own book, that you will OWN, and that you and your heirs will hold the royalty rights to forever, it doesn't matter if you never make enough on sales on that book to pay more than $2 per hour for all your work. You'll have your sales and you'll also have your book, and that's more valuable in experience and pride than quadruple what this guy is paying.

Freelance writing is honorable work, and you don't need the rights to every word you've ever written--but this guy is trying to capitalize on a writer's hard experience to turn a quick buck for himself while cheating the writer of a fair wage and the reader of the quality of work they should be able to expect. He's a snake-oil salesman looking for children to work in his sweat-shop, and I have no respect for him.

Have any of you seen scams like this?

My Identity Crisis

Boy, have the last two years been a rollercoaster of fun. In two days, I'll hit the two-year anniversary of my sudden divorce. Four days after that, I'll hit the two-month-iversary of my almost-as-sudden new marriage. [Edit: Dang, but do I suck at dates. I was married on December 19, 2014. My 2-month-iversary isn't until February 19. I just passed my 1-month-iversary on January 19th, so what I MEANT to say is "four days ago, I celebrated my 1-month-iversary...." I need more sleep. If you all will just do the dates for me from now on, that'd be great.]

A week ago today, I said goodbye to my decade-long career as a full-time Public Defender, moved to Salt Lake City, Utah, and have embarked on a new career as a full-time sorter-of-junk-in-moving-boxes, organizer-of-junk-in-closets, and motherer-of-children-who-scatter-junk... or is that just how it seems? Part time (while the kids are in school, and trusting that the boxes will wait) I'll be a freelance writer, with some law stuff training to take care of on the horizon. *Makes note to send in bar dues, just in case*

I'm also planning to really get serious about that Become Bestselling Novelist bucket-list item I've been fiddling with for years. Because I need more red carpets in my life. (Doesn't everybody?)

At the same time that I'm trying on all these fancy new hats, I'm changing my legal name (well, theoretically--the project keeps getting buried in other minutia) to Kirkham. I'm trying to figure out how to alter my scribble of a signature to make the A in Ambrose look more like a K (mostly by writing a K over the top of the A that magically appears .2 seconds after I put pen to paper, despite my best intentions to pause after Robin). (The rest of the letters are utterly illegible anyway.) I'm getting used to introducing myself as Robin Kirkham. To answering to Mrs. Kirkham and Sister Kirham. Even my kids are getting used to my new name.

But...

Here, and elsewhere in the world where I'm a writer first and the rest of it hardly at all, I'm still Robin Ambrose. I've always loved my maiden name, and one of the silver linings of two years ago was the realization that I hadn't yet published a book under my ex-husband's name. When I go to writer's conferences with Robin Ambrose on my name tag, people think I made the name up, it's so perfect. So as much as I love and trust my new husband, Nate, I'm embracing this chance to splinter myself into separate personalities and make myself so confused that I have no idea WHO I am or WHAT IN THE WORLD I'm supposed to be doing, now. Because, fun!

6 months ago, I was a single working mother, a full-time lawyer, and a (let's face it) hobbyist writer. Starting this week, I'm a Stay-at-Home married mother, freelancer, and a serious-but-unpublished writer. The "What do you do" question just got more complicated.

Anyone else ever change just about everything about the Definition of You in one fell swoop?

Sometimes Hiatuses are Unplanned

It's been over a month since my last post.

It's been longer than that since I've written in my WIP. Any of them. Including the new-shiny.

This Thursday will mark six months since my divorce.

Next week is eight months since the world turned upside down and I had to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about the one person I'd sworn to love forever.

A week and a half ago, that person swore to love someone else till death do they part.




Sometimes creative energy has to be diverted to bolster fried logic centers. And to compensate for a brain made so much mush by too little sleep.

I'll be back. Not sure when--this working-single-mom gig takes a lot of time, but summer is gonna be over eventually and I'll be able to get the restless natives to go to bed at a more reasonable hour. Methinks. Mehopes. Meprays.

Meanwhile, I'm pretending that my subconscious is hard at work on my WIP. Maybe by the time I can write again, I'll know who my antagonist is. And what s/he wants.

That would be nice.

That Green-Eyed Monster

On Tuesday, my awesome writer groupie, Deana Barnhart, had an amazing announcement. After long effort and piles and piles of rejections, she finally landed an agent! Her story is amazing and inspiring and gives so much hope to those of us still treading the path behind her.

Despite the screaming and yelling you know she was doing when she got the news, what she said at the front of her announcement was so sad--but only because she felt she had to say it at all:

I almost didn't want to do this post, because I know how it feels to be the writer who checks in to the blog-o-sphere only to read yet another "I got an agent" story. To be so happy for them while at the same time battling the "why them and not me" thoughts. I know how many hours us writers slave over our words, making them just so, only to get the query door slammed in our face over and over and over again. Believe me, I know.

So, yes, I ALMOST didn't want to do this post.

But I say almost, because while I don't want to seem like I'm rubbing it in, I also want everyone out there trying so hard to get a foot in an agents door, to believe that it IS possible! And that when it does happen, you deserve to be happy about it!

Don't mistake me: I'm not saying Deana did anything wrong, here. In fact, I think I know exactly where she's coming from. So many of my fantasies about getting an agent have been plagued by worries about how my unagented, arguably more deserving friends would react to the news. (Yes, I have an overactive fantasy life. That's why I'm a writer.)

Still, what does it say about our community that we can't assume that everyone will be happy for our good fortune?

What does it say about ME that, well, yeah, some part of me (hastily squashed) was frustrated by Deana's news?

I'm not sure I know the answer, but I do know three things:

1. It isn't always possible to control how we feel about something.
2. It IS always possible to control how we react--or at least how we react online, where we can control the delay time needed to pull ourselves together.
3. If you start out with the wrong feeling, you can change that.

I want to share a thought that, lately, has helped me tremendously whenever the green-eyed monster strikes (which, with my awesome writer friends, happens with increasing frequency). 

This comes from a talk Jeffery R. Holland gave in April:

[T]here are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed....

Furthermore, envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving. Obviously we suffer a little when some misfortune befalls us, but envy requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know! What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment!

Doesn't that make you feel a little ridiculous? Wouldn't it be awesome if we could just decide to never, ever be envious of anyone ever again?

Anyway, I'm going to go back to planning out what I'm going to say in my own "I have an agent" post. Right after I finish sending off the partial request I got Tuesday (which, truth be told, helped a LOT).

So do you ever have to do battle with the green-eyed monster? Did he spray you with pickle juice?

Why I Love[ed?] Ray Bradbury

Sometime in my grade-school years (this was probably high school, but might have been middle school), I was required to write a paper on a favorite author. I chose Ray Bradbury.

I read, I believe, everything he had written, from short stories to novels and the thing that struck me the most, and which I wrote my paper about, was his habit of giving power to the traditionally powerless.

In one short story (forgive me, I can't recall the name), a colony of African-Americans moved to Mars and, when a spaceship full of white people fleeing the nuclear holocaust on Earth asked for refuge, the colonists initially cordoned off the back half of buses for the newcomers and designated separate drinking fountains and the like. Then the refugees arrived, full of tales of places that were gone. The hill where a colonist's grandfather had been lynched, gone. The sites of other racial atrocities, all gone. The colonists then tore down all the separation markers and accepted the refugees as equals. It was their choice, and the refugees told them they'd rather be slaves than dead... but the colonists forgave them. It was beautiful.

Of course, not all of Bradbury's stories ended so happily. I remember one where the spoiled children who lived in an automated super-house programmed their nursery-slash-virtual reality room with real lions who ate their overworked parents. Then, of course, there's the short story The Small Assassin, which should never be read by a pregnant woman. *shudder*

There were scores of other examples. My paper was called "The Rulers of Bradbury." Clever title, yes?

Ray Bradbury helped form my appreciation for science fiction as well as my views of the world. His haunting stories (like the one where everyone abandons Mars to go back to Earth and fight in the last world war... except for one guy who answers the phone one day to find that he's not the last human on the planet... and that he wouldn't marry the caller even if she IS the last woman on the planet) keep popping up in my brain at odd times. He had a perfect balance of innocence and horror--and the "innocents" inflicted the horror as often as they suffered from it.

His stories were empowering to the downtrodden... and put everyone on notice that weak does not equate harmless, that beauty can hide the beast, and that men, women, and the smallest of children can rise above fear into a bright future.

I'd say he'll be missed, but he's left so much of himself behind it doesn't seem like he can ever quite be gone.

My Day With Aprilynne Pike

Over the past few years, I've met tons of awesome writers. Some on Authors' Advisory, some at conferences, and some just online. Authors are amazing people and universally fascinating (at least to me).

Only one (so far) has let me hang out with her for a whole day (well, half-a-day). Only one has let me shadow her to a school visit and a library lecture and a book signing. Only one has come to dinner at my house. Only one has let me play with her adorable baby and meet her so-cool mother.

Only one is Aprilynne Pike, #1 NYT Bestselling author of WINGS, SPELLS, and ILLUSIONS, and, most recently, new inductee to the NYT Bestselling Series list.

My friend. (I'm sure she called me that at least once.) :D

You want to touch me now, don't you?

I first met Aprilynne at LDStorymakers 2010, where I was thrilled to see she was my bootcamp instructor. When we ran out of time in our group, Aprilynne graciously met with me during the main conference to give me her notes on my writing sample--and they were SOOO good! She has amazing instincts for what works and what doesn't, and made a beautiful bloodbath of my pages.

When I started hosting Authors' Advisory, Aprilynne was one of the first authors I asked to be a guest, though her call was delayed for several months to coincide with the release of ILLUSIONS and to not conflict with the birth of her baby. Her call, predictably, was sooo informative, and full of her own unique humor. I loved reconnecting with her on the phone.

Right after the call, she announced that she'd be including my town on her ILLUSIONS tour! I was so excited! I contacted her and volunteered to help, and ended up contacting our local library and high school, and putting up flyers about her B&N signing. Can you imagine the thrill as I called people and said "I was talking to Aprilynne Pike...." :) (The school thought I was her publicist.) :D

On the big day, Aprilynne let me shadow her (you know, since I want to do this sort of thing when I grow up). She, her mother, and her daughter picked me up at my house and we went to the high school, where she thoroughly entertained 80 students with a fun exercise on plot and characterization. She'd select a student, have everyone decide who they were, what their power was (since she writes fantasy), and eventually collected enough characters for a mock battle. She effortlessly discussed story structure and conflict, answered lots of great questions, and was finally interviewed by the school newspaper.

After the school presentation, we headed over to the library, where she lectured a small group of librarians, patrons, and a carload of fans who drove (bearing gifts) two hours to see her. She talked about her path to publication--and the many pitfalls she experienced along the way. It was fascinating, and I loved how she didn't let setbacks stop her. She kept writing, kept trying, and eventually made #1 on the NYT Bestseller list.

After the library, it was off to my house, where my wonderful hubby fixed us a venison steak dinner. Aprilynne and I discovered that we have TONS in common, and she gave me advice on my query letter--improving it immensely.

During the book signing at B&N, I played with her baby (continuing my day-long baby-playing campaign) while she greeted her fans (including my boss... who hadn't seen me at work that day...). We had more time to chat, and she ended the night by signing a bunch of their stock. I bought me a personalized copy of ILLUSIONS, and mostly just reveled in the coolness that is Aprilynne.

I had tons of fun, y'all. Not only because Aprilynne is awesomeness itself, but because I learned SO MUCH about how to be a professional author. It looks like tons of fun, frankly, and I can't wait to try it myself.

Thanks, Aprilynne!

I'm a Writer (but don't tell anyone)

A week or so ago, I realized it was probably time to get a more professional email address. It's not like my old email address was embarrassing--it just wasn't my name. And it included my birthyear. And made reference to my day-job. None of which seemed to scream "serious writer here."

So, I decided to get a new gmail account. But robinweeks was taken. As was rweeks, weeks.robin, and a host of others. I didn't want a numbered email account, like robinweeks8757: I'm an original, dangit! I also didn’t want to include my middle initials (Weeks is my married name—I kept my middle name and my maiden name, but I don’t hyphenate), because I’m not including them in my pen name, and figured it would be confusing.

Fortunately, robinweekswriter was available! Yay! Perfect! Professional, screams "serious writer here," includes my name, and has no numbers. I'm set. I snapped it up, retrieved all the email from my old account, and started loving the tags and filters of gmail (seriously--so cool!). I changed my email address on Twitter and Facebook and all the other various organizations that email me. I considered keeping my old email address for non-writerly friends and family... but my old email won't forward mail unless I pay them money. Snag.

I considered just maintaining and checking two separate email accounts... but I’m really loving those tags and filters. How can I live without being able to see all the emails my mother sent me with just a click of a button?

So, with a sigh, I decided to just send everyone to the gmail address… and hit another snag. I don’t want to tell everyone to start emailing me at robinweekswriter. My high school friends? My siblings? My cousins? Extended family galore? They know I’m not a writer. Not a real, published one, anyway. To them, I’m a lawyer. And I am—and I’m not at all ashamed of that. Or of my quest to be a published novelist. But…to tell them to start calling me a writer right now seems… presumptuous.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m happy to call myself a writer. Plenty of actual published author-writers have proclaimed that anyone who writes is a writer, and I write, so I’m happy to own the title. Among writer friends. Who know what I’m talking about. Who understand that I’m not putting on airs or trying to predict the future (in the same way robinweekslotterywinner would do) or making a very premature announcement.

Anyway, I'm a bit ashamed to confess that I went and got another gmail account that makes no reference to any occupation and plan to start handing out that one to my friends and family. The neutral account will then obligingly forward all my mail to my secret identity account. Which I just announced to the score of people who read my blog, and to untold hundreds who may someday stumble upon it. No spam, please: I know how to filter you out!

Anyone else have this paranoia? Do you maintain separate email accounts for your non-writer friends? Feel like your writer life is your little secret? Should I find a support group somewhere?